The c-section went great. Becoming a mother is an amazing experience, and of twins! Hearing them both cry for the first time was beautiful. It's not my favorite sound anymore, but at the time it was life-changing. After an hour or so in recovery they brought my precious babies to me and life was different.Challenge #1: Breast feeding
Because of their size and some anatomical anomalies on my end Levi could only latch-on on one side and Allie couldn't latch on either side. Talk about a let down (and not in the breast feeding sense). So the lactation consultant tried to help, and not that long I might add, but ended up giving me a nipple shield. I have mixed emotions about this nursing aid. Was it the thorn in my side or the savior of my efforts? I will never know. But I found out that it was addicting to both Allie and Levi and then became to me a constant reminder that I hadn't fully succeeded and therefore was also a constant discouragement.
The length of time it took to feed Allie and Levi was about an hour on average. I felt like that was all I was doing, which I fully expected, but the single nipple shield I was given made it impossible to attempt tandem feeding. If I had succeeded in that I would have cut the time nearly in half. To make a long story short; I made the decision to begin pumping after one week. A decision I am glad I made, but thoughts of failure still linger for one reason or another (people who haven't succeeded in breast feeding know what I mean, and some of those who have succeeded make us feel worse).
So I pump. They get the good stuff. That's all that matters, right? Things are going well, except the fact that the thing that excites me the most these days is how much I'm able to pump and how large my milk supply is growing. How sad is my life!?
Challenge #2: Time
Almost everything with twins takes twice the time. This is obvious. Take bath time for example, Paul bathes one while I get the other one, and then we swap so I can dress the first one. Then we swap again so the one that bathed first gets fed and the second one gets dressed and fed. It's intense, especially since infants don't appreciate a bath, lotion rub, or getting dressed. Another time consuming thing is getting them to sleep. This is addressed in the next challenge.
Challenge #3: Getting everybody to sleep
Paul and I fall asleep pretty easily; as you can imagine, since we're awfully sleep deprived. Getting on average 3-hours of sleep between feedings, which usually includes a diaper change and a baby that may or may not be ready to go back to sleep for sometimes no apparent reason. It's so tempting to put them to sleep holding them or rocking them, etc, which we did and sometimes still do. It's amazing how quickly they get used to that. I don't know when you're supposed to let them "cry it out" (for lack of a better phrase), but Allie showed me she learned the system. It was obvious. She would cry after being laid down, we thought asleep, and immediately stop when picked up. At the beginning of week three I decided that this was a habit I did not want to break when I was on my own, so their Grammy (a pro Mother of 9) and I set out to do it. The reason it was so important to me was that when I was on my own I didn't want to spend half my day trying to get each one of them to sleep completely. I love holding them and rocking them, and I do, but it's really important to me for them to learn to fall asleep on their own. For Moms who have gone through this it's hard to let them cry. The time you've decided to let them cry seems like hours, plus I had two little ones to break. I had to separate them because I was afraid they wouldn't go to sleep with the other one crying in the same bassinet. So they alternate in the crib and their bassinet.
I'm sure some people think I'm a terrible person for doing this so early or maybe for doing it at all, I question it every time. I think self-soothing, self-reliance, and whatever else they're learning is good for them and definitely good for me. Levi seemed to give-up easier than Allie. My Mother said she gets that from me. I think she's talking about being stubborn. I interpret it as being determined and committed to what you believe in...whatever you want to call it. For the record, my Mom claims I put myself on a schedule, so my unyielding personality came later (the OCD I was apparently born with). Unless they're toying with us, it seems once they're fed, burped and changed we can lay them down and they'll go to sleep on their own. This is a huge victory!
Challenge #4: The schedule
For me this wasn't a challenge. It was a challenge for Allie and Levi, naturally. One thing I knew, however, was that I didn't want to let them dictate when they would eat for long. Feeding on demand is something I read I should do, because crying would cause neurological damage, or some such nonsense. I don't like uncertainty, so towards the end of the second week we began a feeding schedule that allowed them 3 hours between feedings during the day and at least 4 hours at night. I like to pretend like we're in control when even with the schedule newborns really still control your life. My strong characteristics like discipline and a tenacious desire for organization and structure have definitely come in handy in motherhood, especially with twins.
Obviously there are more than four challenges associated with parenthood and twins, but these are the big ones in my mind. The challenges will change and that's good, not only will I have more to blog about, but more importantly I will constantly be growing as a person and Mom.
I also said becoming a Mom was amazing. What an awesome responsibility to care for and raise children! It is not something for the faint of heart! It's amazing the love that is there when these precious little ones come into your life. When I'm holding Allie or Levi as they smile while sleeping after a satisfying bottle of Mommy's goodness, whether it's from gas or not. It brightens my day. When they're crying I try to laugh because sometimes there's nothing else I can do! I'm constantly reminded of God's blessing on my life, his provision, and the fact that every prayer I prayed during pregnancy has been answered so far.
One unexpected thing was how our marriage was strengthened. I knew Paul and I went well together. That's why we're married! (Duh!). But I didn't know what a great team we would make. Paul is an amazing husband and father. That's another amazing thing to watch. A man becoming a father. Not only that, but he is and always has been a huge help to me in everything that needs to get done around the house. And as foolish as this sounds (and at the expense of possibly embarrassing my husband), seeing all this change and maturity is very sexy. (Who knew your husband changing a diaper could do that to you!?)So this gives you a small glimpse into my new life as a Mom of twins. There will be more to come! Things will be different when my Mom leaves this week! You may be wondering how I have the time to blog. Well, when you're pumping twenty minutes, seven times a day you've got to do something to pass the time!
