I have to say I didn't think I would be writing the conclusion to this journey so quickly! Obviously with infants the smallest change can cause regression and constant reinforcement is necessary, so I know that just because they've slept good for a week or so doesn't mean our work is done. In fact, it's not uncommon to hear whining before 7:45 (our morning goal, so they'll be ready to eat at 8).
Usually it's pretty easy to get them back to sleep, though. For Levi if you just put the pacifier back in he's usually good to go a bit longer. It's going to be great when he can do that himself... And for Allie, she started sucking her fingers this week and since then we've had to wake her up from all naps and in the morning to eat! I know some people discourage it or try to stop it altogether, but if self-soothing is what I'm working towards then Allie's got it! I've done some research. It doesn't give you crooked teeth like everyone says, and it only causes problems with the child's bite, usually an overbite, if they continue to do it past age 5 when problems can no longer correct themselves. I just need to make sure Allie's not like her mommy and does it until she's 11 (The dangers of home schooling...) Anyway, jumping off of that rabbit trail. If they do wake up before I'd like them to it's not the end of the world.
The book says 12 hours' sleep on the cover, but recognizes that not all people need 12 hours of sleep, so they're actually in their beds for 12 hours sleeping or chilling (for lack of a better term). If they want to lay in there awake that's fine. Of course most babies don't just lay in their beds happy, so we got them crib soothers, which provide some entertainment for them until it's time to get up, but sometimes it actually puts them back to sleep.
When all these things fail, and they will. They win. I'm not going to keep trying to get them to take a pacifier or look at the crib soother for 30 minutes if they don't want to, so we start earlier. Actually, as I began writing this at 7am the twins somehow knew it and wanted to show me who's boss. We're not going to make it to 8 this morning.
The hardest part about this schedule is keeping them awake between short naps and feedings, which are usually 2 hours after shorter naps. If they sleep too much during the day they won't sleep a long enough time at night. This involves a lot of entertaining on our part. I can't just let them play under their floor gym for an hour and do laundry or anything else that I want or need to do. They get tired of looking at the sea horse or monkey or whatever is hanging on there and need a change of scenery. I'm not looking forward to Paul going back to work and having to do this entertaining on my own. I've done it before, but not for this long. Usually I ending up holding one or both of them because that's all that will keep them happy in the end.
Overall, I'm happy with how things are going. They eat every 4 hours and only 4 times a day. They eat the same as they've been eating just more at a time. Usually between 25-28 ounces each a day. They typically go down easy for naps and sleep through them without waking up a hundred times like they used to, and most importantly they are in their beds, usually sleeping, for 12 hours at night (not that I get that much sleep, thanks to pumping I've still got to wake up at 6:30 anyway). I have it better than a lot of people with one baby.
I can't take all the credit for how well things are going, but I do think babies like routines a lot. People always say that God won't give you more than you can handle (which is taken out of context, but you know they say this). Well, God gave me two pretty manageable babies. Not manageable enough to take them grocery shopping with me by myself, but they sleep great, don't have colic, don't have gas, or any things that make babies really difficult. Obviously, God knew I couldn't handle even one of those, and I need to remember these things the next time I want to scream out loud because the twins are both screaming and nothing I can do makes them stop!
Friday, December 30, 2011
Saturday, December 17, 2011
The 12 Hours' Sleep Journey: Part 2
Obviously no two babies are the same. My twins are different from each other in almost every way. They have their similarities. They both think the changing table is hilarious. They look up at the wall words and shadows on the wall and laugh it up. Oh to see through their eyes for one day! They are also the same in they they seem to fall into my schedule and routine easily.
We haven't actually started the steps I shared from the book in my last post. I am still working up to 4 hours in between feedings. We are at 3.5 hours now, but just to get myself used to some of the procedures, for lack of a better word, I have started following many "rules" from the book.
Here is one challenge we've already encountered with both twins: What to do if they wake up too early? The transition schedule, the schedule I came up with for five, 3.5 hour feedings, begins at 7-7:30am. Friday morning one of the twins began crying around 5am. We waited a couple minutes and when she hadn't stopped we went into the nursery to see if we could pacify her and get her back to sleep. Here's where their differences come in. It seems that she can deal with hunger a lot better than her brother. Obviously at 5am it's been 8 hours or so since she's eaten and if we got her up she'd take a bottle no problem. But she's also still sleepy, and with her, on this morning, sleep won. We put her pacifier in her mouth and patted her for a couple minutes and she began to go back to sleep she woke up one more time, but was again pacified and didn't wake up again until we woke both of them to eat later that morning. So what would we have done if she hadn't been pacified? That is answered by what happened with the other twin the following night, in which he woke up, I believe because of a wet diaper. On any other night this wouldn't have been a problem, but we had a babysitter on this night who we neglected to tell to put disposables on the twins before putting them to bed for the night. They wear cloth diapers during the day, which aren't absorbent enough to last all night (a topic for another blog). He woke up with wet pajamas at 5:30am. Even if we hadn't had to wake him up more by changing his diaper and PJs I still don't think he would have been satisfied to suck on the pacifier. When he would wake up in the night weeks prior to this incident he would be almost hysterical until the bottle was put in his mouth, and this morning was no different. What can I say, he loves his food! So we had to give him something to get him back to sleep until the scheduled feeding. Taking the advice of the book I gave him a "snack." Two ounces to tide him over a couple more hours. He took the two ounces easily and went back to sleep. Success! Obviously we want to be able to get him back asleep without feeding him, but this was a special situation. He probably wouldn't have been up if he hadn't had wet PJs.
If he had been doing this constantly for any other reason we would follow the books' advice and slowly decrease the amount of "snack" each night and try to get him to last a little longer each night using the pacifier until he made it to the scheduled time. And by the way, don't you know he still pretty much ate his whole 6 ounce bottle I would normally feed him without the snack later that morning. That boy is going to be moving up those percentiles quickly!
I'm pretty confident that once we actually begin the steps toward 12 hours' sleep at night we will have success. Naps will be another issue, although those are getting better every day!
We haven't actually started the steps I shared from the book in my last post. I am still working up to 4 hours in between feedings. We are at 3.5 hours now, but just to get myself used to some of the procedures, for lack of a better word, I have started following many "rules" from the book.
Here is one challenge we've already encountered with both twins: What to do if they wake up too early? The transition schedule, the schedule I came up with for five, 3.5 hour feedings, begins at 7-7:30am. Friday morning one of the twins began crying around 5am. We waited a couple minutes and when she hadn't stopped we went into the nursery to see if we could pacify her and get her back to sleep. Here's where their differences come in. It seems that she can deal with hunger a lot better than her brother. Obviously at 5am it's been 8 hours or so since she's eaten and if we got her up she'd take a bottle no problem. But she's also still sleepy, and with her, on this morning, sleep won. We put her pacifier in her mouth and patted her for a couple minutes and she began to go back to sleep she woke up one more time, but was again pacified and didn't wake up again until we woke both of them to eat later that morning. So what would we have done if she hadn't been pacified? That is answered by what happened with the other twin the following night, in which he woke up, I believe because of a wet diaper. On any other night this wouldn't have been a problem, but we had a babysitter on this night who we neglected to tell to put disposables on the twins before putting them to bed for the night. They wear cloth diapers during the day, which aren't absorbent enough to last all night (a topic for another blog). He woke up with wet pajamas at 5:30am. Even if we hadn't had to wake him up more by changing his diaper and PJs I still don't think he would have been satisfied to suck on the pacifier. When he would wake up in the night weeks prior to this incident he would be almost hysterical until the bottle was put in his mouth, and this morning was no different. What can I say, he loves his food! So we had to give him something to get him back to sleep until the scheduled feeding. Taking the advice of the book I gave him a "snack." Two ounces to tide him over a couple more hours. He took the two ounces easily and went back to sleep. Success! Obviously we want to be able to get him back asleep without feeding him, but this was a special situation. He probably wouldn't have been up if he hadn't had wet PJs.
If he had been doing this constantly for any other reason we would follow the books' advice and slowly decrease the amount of "snack" each night and try to get him to last a little longer each night using the pacifier until he made it to the scheduled time. And by the way, don't you know he still pretty much ate his whole 6 ounce bottle I would normally feed him without the snack later that morning. That boy is going to be moving up those percentiles quickly!
I'm pretty confident that once we actually begin the steps toward 12 hours' sleep at night we will have success. Naps will be another issue, although those are getting better every day!
Thursday, December 15, 2011
The 12 Hours' Sleep Journey: Part 1
With twins it is extremely important to have a schedule and routine that you follow everyday. Especially if you're like me. I need to have a plan or goal and not feel like I'm blindly stumbling through each day. Things do not always go as planned. I know that is a shock to you. I plan on taking a nap everyday, but it rarely happens.
The twins have been on a good feeding schedule, and go to bed surprisingly easy at night, but naps have become a nightmare as both twins had become cat nappers, which if you have experienced this you know you can't get anything started much less done in this length of time. I am in the process of breaking them of this habit.
I have a pretty good idea of what I need to do to have them sleeping and eating when I want, but I have a tinge of self-doubt when it comes to these things I guess because I want a book to tell me what I am doing is going to work. I was told about a book that sounded amazing Twelve Hours' Sleep by Twelve Weeks Old. I was skeptical and couldn't wait to read what unrealistic things it was going to tell me to do to accomplish this. Before the book even arrived I came up with a new schedule with not only set feeding times, but also set nap and awake times that I was determined to follow. When the book arrived, I was surprised to find that I was already doing several things it said to do. Not only that, but (to me) it didn't really have any unrealistic expectations or suggestions. It was so simple! I can do this, I thought!
Now, I know everyone is different. It's easy for me to have a routine because I'm organized. I also don't feel like I have to do everything the book says. I can adjust it to work for me and my babies. But I have a dream that my children will sleep long and hard, and that I can just kiss them and say I love you and goodnight, and not spend hours putting them to sleep. I know this is possible, but it doesn't mean it's easy.
So, back to 12-hours' sleep. I hear stories about peoples' kids waking at the crack of dawn and getting them to sleep later in the morning means putting them to bed later. But the twins were already sleeping 9.5 straight hours, so another 2.5 hours didn't seem out of reach. I'm not going to re-type the book, but basically you do four things once your children meet the weight/age requirements and can eat at least 24 ounces in 24 hours: 1. Feed every four hours in a 12-hour period, 2. Eliminate night feedings, 3. Sleep/rest quietly in crib for 12 hours at night, 4. Nap one hour in the morning and 2 hours in the afternoon (I apologize if it's annoying you when I switch from typing the number and spelling it out. I know there are rules, but I forgot them).
Like I said I was already beginning to try to do these things, so this doesn't seem out of reach. The challenges will be there, though. They are learning to self-soothe, which means I don't pick them up as soon as I hear them cry I wait 3-5 minutes then I go in and try to pat them, put the pacifier back in, etc, whatever I can do to help them, but avoid picking them up unless I feel necessary since I aim at picking them up when they're happy, not crying, although that doesn't always happen. Another challenge is keeping them awake. They can barely stay awake for an hour and a half without wanting to sleep again. Right now they still take an evening nap, which will have to be cut out if I want them to sleep long periods.
I will have many more challenges and will be sharing them (along with victories, I hope!). It's going to take a lot of work and sacrifice on my part. I may not be able to do things that interfere with our routine, since that can hinder progress. For example, I may not be able to attend bible study on Wednesday nights because keeping the twins awake, but also quiet would be very difficult! However, I am willing to do it if it means I can know they will sleep 12 hours a night and take naps so I can have me time!
Feel free to pray for me or offer any suggestions that might help me!
Here goes nothing...
The twins have been on a good feeding schedule, and go to bed surprisingly easy at night, but naps have become a nightmare as both twins had become cat nappers, which if you have experienced this you know you can't get anything started much less done in this length of time. I am in the process of breaking them of this habit.
I have a pretty good idea of what I need to do to have them sleeping and eating when I want, but I have a tinge of self-doubt when it comes to these things I guess because I want a book to tell me what I am doing is going to work. I was told about a book that sounded amazing Twelve Hours' Sleep by Twelve Weeks Old. I was skeptical and couldn't wait to read what unrealistic things it was going to tell me to do to accomplish this. Before the book even arrived I came up with a new schedule with not only set feeding times, but also set nap and awake times that I was determined to follow. When the book arrived, I was surprised to find that I was already doing several things it said to do. Not only that, but (to me) it didn't really have any unrealistic expectations or suggestions. It was so simple! I can do this, I thought!
Now, I know everyone is different. It's easy for me to have a routine because I'm organized. I also don't feel like I have to do everything the book says. I can adjust it to work for me and my babies. But I have a dream that my children will sleep long and hard, and that I can just kiss them and say I love you and goodnight, and not spend hours putting them to sleep. I know this is possible, but it doesn't mean it's easy.
So, back to 12-hours' sleep. I hear stories about peoples' kids waking at the crack of dawn and getting them to sleep later in the morning means putting them to bed later. But the twins were already sleeping 9.5 straight hours, so another 2.5 hours didn't seem out of reach. I'm not going to re-type the book, but basically you do four things once your children meet the weight/age requirements and can eat at least 24 ounces in 24 hours: 1. Feed every four hours in a 12-hour period, 2. Eliminate night feedings, 3. Sleep/rest quietly in crib for 12 hours at night, 4. Nap one hour in the morning and 2 hours in the afternoon (I apologize if it's annoying you when I switch from typing the number and spelling it out. I know there are rules, but I forgot them).
Like I said I was already beginning to try to do these things, so this doesn't seem out of reach. The challenges will be there, though. They are learning to self-soothe, which means I don't pick them up as soon as I hear them cry I wait 3-5 minutes then I go in and try to pat them, put the pacifier back in, etc, whatever I can do to help them, but avoid picking them up unless I feel necessary since I aim at picking them up when they're happy, not crying, although that doesn't always happen. Another challenge is keeping them awake. They can barely stay awake for an hour and a half without wanting to sleep again. Right now they still take an evening nap, which will have to be cut out if I want them to sleep long periods.
I will have many more challenges and will be sharing them (along with victories, I hope!). It's going to take a lot of work and sacrifice on my part. I may not be able to do things that interfere with our routine, since that can hinder progress. For example, I may not be able to attend bible study on Wednesday nights because keeping the twins awake, but also quiet would be very difficult! However, I am willing to do it if it means I can know they will sleep 12 hours a night and take naps so I can have me time!
Feel free to pray for me or offer any suggestions that might help me!
Here goes nothing...
Sunday, October 9, 2011
My new life as a mother of twins (so far)
They say the last trimester of pregnancy is long. Try the first month with twins. Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't trade this for anything...except maybe one last night of sleep (kidding). It's amazing, but very challenging, and here's why:
The c-section went great. Becoming a mother is an amazing experience, and of twins! Hearing them both cry for the first time was beautiful. It's not my favorite sound anymore, but at the time it was life-changing. After an hour or so in recovery they brought my precious babies to me and life was different.
Challenge #1: Breast feeding
Because of their size and some anatomical anomalies on my end Levi could only latch-on on one side and Allie couldn't latch on either side. Talk about a let down (and not in the breast feeding sense). So the lactation consultant tried to help, and not that long I might add, but ended up giving me a nipple shield. I have mixed emotions about this nursing aid. Was it the thorn in my side or the savior of my efforts? I will never know. But I found out that it was addicting to both Allie and Levi and then became to me a constant reminder that I hadn't fully succeeded and therefore was also a constant discouragement.
The length of time it took to feed Allie and Levi was about an hour on average. I felt like that was all I was doing, which I fully expected, but the single nipple shield I was given made it impossible to attempt tandem feeding. If I had succeeded in that I would have cut the time nearly in half. To make a long story short; I made the decision to begin pumping after one week. A decision I am glad I made, but thoughts of failure still linger for one reason or another (people who haven't succeeded in breast feeding know what I mean, and some of those who have succeeded make us feel worse).
So I pump. They get the good stuff. That's all that matters, right? Things are going well, except the fact that the thing that excites me the most these days is how much I'm able to pump and how large my milk supply is growing. How sad is my life!?
Challenge #2: Time
Almost everything with twins takes twice the time. This is obvious. Take bath time for example, Paul bathes one while I get the other one, and then we swap so I can dress the first one. Then we swap again so the one that bathed first gets fed and the second one gets dressed and fed. It's intense, especially since infants don't appreciate a bath, lotion rub, or getting dressed. Another time consuming thing is getting them to sleep. This is addressed in the next challenge.
Challenge #3: Getting everybody to sleep
Paul and I fall asleep pretty easily; as you can imagine, since we're awfully sleep deprived. Getting on average 3-hours of sleep between feedings, which usually includes a diaper change and a baby that may or may not be ready to go back to sleep for sometimes no apparent reason. It's so tempting to put them to sleep holding them or rocking them, etc, which we did and sometimes still do. It's amazing how quickly they get used to that. I don't know when you're supposed to let them "cry it out" (for lack of a better phrase), but Allie showed me she learned the system. It was obvious. She would cry after being laid down, we thought asleep, and immediately stop when picked up. At the beginning of week three I decided that this was a habit I did not want to break when I was on my own, so their Grammy (a pro Mother of 9) and I set out to do it. The reason it was so important to me was that when I was on my own I didn't want to spend half my day trying to get each one of them to sleep completely. I love holding them and rocking them, and I do, but it's really important to me for them to learn to fall asleep on their own. For Moms who have gone through this it's hard to let them cry. The time you've decided to let them cry seems like hours, plus I had two little ones to break. I had to separate them because I was afraid they wouldn't go to sleep with the other one crying in the same bassinet. So they alternate in the crib and their bassinet.
I'm sure some people think I'm a terrible person for doing this so early or maybe for doing it at all, I question it every time. I think self-soothing, self-reliance, and whatever else they're learning is good for them and definitely good for me. Levi seemed to give-up easier than Allie. My Mother said she gets that from me. I think she's talking about being stubborn. I interpret it as being determined and committed to what you believe in...whatever you want to call it. For the record, my Mom claims I put myself on a schedule, so my unyielding personality came later (the OCD I was apparently born with). Unless they're toying with us, it seems once they're fed, burped and changed we can lay them down and they'll go to sleep on their own. This is a huge victory!
Challenge #4: The schedule
For me this wasn't a challenge. It was a challenge for Allie and Levi, naturally. One thing I knew, however, was that I didn't want to let them dictate when they would eat for long. Feeding on demand is something I read I should do, because crying would cause neurological damage, or some such nonsense. I don't like uncertainty, so towards the end of the second week we began a feeding schedule that allowed them 3 hours between feedings during the day and at least 4 hours at night. I like to pretend like we're in control when even with the schedule newborns really still control your life. My strong characteristics like discipline and a tenacious desire for organization and structure have definitely come in handy in motherhood, especially with twins.
Obviously there are more than four challenges associated with parenthood and twins, but these are the big ones in my mind. The challenges will change and that's good, not only will I have more to blog about, but more importantly I will constantly be growing as a person and Mom.
I also said becoming a Mom was amazing. What an awesome responsibility to care for and raise children! It is not something for the faint of heart! It's amazing the love that is there when these precious little ones come into your life. When I'm holding Allie or Levi as they smile while sleeping after a satisfying bottle of Mommy's goodness, whether it's from gas or not. It brightens my day. When they're crying I try to laugh because sometimes there's nothing else I can do! I'm constantly reminded of God's blessing on my life, his provision, and the fact that every prayer I prayed during pregnancy has been answered so far.
One unexpected thing was how our marriage was strengthened. I knew Paul and I went well together. That's why we're married! (Duh!). But I didn't know what a great team we would make. Paul is an amazing husband and father. That's another amazing thing to watch. A man becoming a father. Not only that, but he is and always has been a huge help to me in everything that needs to get done around the house. And as foolish as this sounds (and at the expense of possibly embarrassing my husband), seeing all this change and maturity is very sexy. (Who knew your husband changing a diaper could do that to you!?)
So this gives you a small glimpse into my new life as a Mom of twins. There will be more to come! Things will be different when my Mom leaves this week! You may be wondering how I have the time to blog. Well, when you're pumping twenty minutes, seven times a day you've got to do something to pass the time!
The c-section went great. Becoming a mother is an amazing experience, and of twins! Hearing them both cry for the first time was beautiful. It's not my favorite sound anymore, but at the time it was life-changing. After an hour or so in recovery they brought my precious babies to me and life was different.Challenge #1: Breast feeding
Because of their size and some anatomical anomalies on my end Levi could only latch-on on one side and Allie couldn't latch on either side. Talk about a let down (and not in the breast feeding sense). So the lactation consultant tried to help, and not that long I might add, but ended up giving me a nipple shield. I have mixed emotions about this nursing aid. Was it the thorn in my side or the savior of my efforts? I will never know. But I found out that it was addicting to both Allie and Levi and then became to me a constant reminder that I hadn't fully succeeded and therefore was also a constant discouragement.
The length of time it took to feed Allie and Levi was about an hour on average. I felt like that was all I was doing, which I fully expected, but the single nipple shield I was given made it impossible to attempt tandem feeding. If I had succeeded in that I would have cut the time nearly in half. To make a long story short; I made the decision to begin pumping after one week. A decision I am glad I made, but thoughts of failure still linger for one reason or another (people who haven't succeeded in breast feeding know what I mean, and some of those who have succeeded make us feel worse).
So I pump. They get the good stuff. That's all that matters, right? Things are going well, except the fact that the thing that excites me the most these days is how much I'm able to pump and how large my milk supply is growing. How sad is my life!?
Challenge #2: Time
Almost everything with twins takes twice the time. This is obvious. Take bath time for example, Paul bathes one while I get the other one, and then we swap so I can dress the first one. Then we swap again so the one that bathed first gets fed and the second one gets dressed and fed. It's intense, especially since infants don't appreciate a bath, lotion rub, or getting dressed. Another time consuming thing is getting them to sleep. This is addressed in the next challenge.
Challenge #3: Getting everybody to sleep
Paul and I fall asleep pretty easily; as you can imagine, since we're awfully sleep deprived. Getting on average 3-hours of sleep between feedings, which usually includes a diaper change and a baby that may or may not be ready to go back to sleep for sometimes no apparent reason. It's so tempting to put them to sleep holding them or rocking them, etc, which we did and sometimes still do. It's amazing how quickly they get used to that. I don't know when you're supposed to let them "cry it out" (for lack of a better phrase), but Allie showed me she learned the system. It was obvious. She would cry after being laid down, we thought asleep, and immediately stop when picked up. At the beginning of week three I decided that this was a habit I did not want to break when I was on my own, so their Grammy (a pro Mother of 9) and I set out to do it. The reason it was so important to me was that when I was on my own I didn't want to spend half my day trying to get each one of them to sleep completely. I love holding them and rocking them, and I do, but it's really important to me for them to learn to fall asleep on their own. For Moms who have gone through this it's hard to let them cry. The time you've decided to let them cry seems like hours, plus I had two little ones to break. I had to separate them because I was afraid they wouldn't go to sleep with the other one crying in the same bassinet. So they alternate in the crib and their bassinet.
I'm sure some people think I'm a terrible person for doing this so early or maybe for doing it at all, I question it every time. I think self-soothing, self-reliance, and whatever else they're learning is good for them and definitely good for me. Levi seemed to give-up easier than Allie. My Mother said she gets that from me. I think she's talking about being stubborn. I interpret it as being determined and committed to what you believe in...whatever you want to call it. For the record, my Mom claims I put myself on a schedule, so my unyielding personality came later (the OCD I was apparently born with). Unless they're toying with us, it seems once they're fed, burped and changed we can lay them down and they'll go to sleep on their own. This is a huge victory!
Challenge #4: The schedule
For me this wasn't a challenge. It was a challenge for Allie and Levi, naturally. One thing I knew, however, was that I didn't want to let them dictate when they would eat for long. Feeding on demand is something I read I should do, because crying would cause neurological damage, or some such nonsense. I don't like uncertainty, so towards the end of the second week we began a feeding schedule that allowed them 3 hours between feedings during the day and at least 4 hours at night. I like to pretend like we're in control when even with the schedule newborns really still control your life. My strong characteristics like discipline and a tenacious desire for organization and structure have definitely come in handy in motherhood, especially with twins.
Obviously there are more than four challenges associated with parenthood and twins, but these are the big ones in my mind. The challenges will change and that's good, not only will I have more to blog about, but more importantly I will constantly be growing as a person and Mom.
I also said becoming a Mom was amazing. What an awesome responsibility to care for and raise children! It is not something for the faint of heart! It's amazing the love that is there when these precious little ones come into your life. When I'm holding Allie or Levi as they smile while sleeping after a satisfying bottle of Mommy's goodness, whether it's from gas or not. It brightens my day. When they're crying I try to laugh because sometimes there's nothing else I can do! I'm constantly reminded of God's blessing on my life, his provision, and the fact that every prayer I prayed during pregnancy has been answered so far.
One unexpected thing was how our marriage was strengthened. I knew Paul and I went well together. That's why we're married! (Duh!). But I didn't know what a great team we would make. Paul is an amazing husband and father. That's another amazing thing to watch. A man becoming a father. Not only that, but he is and always has been a huge help to me in everything that needs to get done around the house. And as foolish as this sounds (and at the expense of possibly embarrassing my husband), seeing all this change and maturity is very sexy. (Who knew your husband changing a diaper could do that to you!?)So this gives you a small glimpse into my new life as a Mom of twins. There will be more to come! Things will be different when my Mom leaves this week! You may be wondering how I have the time to blog. Well, when you're pumping twenty minutes, seven times a day you've got to do something to pass the time!
Friday, March 11, 2011
Seeing Double
In my life I've often looked around at God's creation and thought to myself: "God is amazing!" I've recently been experiencing God's creation in a new way through my pregnancy. And after seeing double on the ultrasound I am even more amazed at how God chose to bring humans into the world. I'm no scientist, but when I think that two human lives are growing and developing daily inside me from what seems like practically nothing I am just in awe (though, sometimes the silly, immature side of me thinks it's just freaky to have something growing inside you). I have a new appreciation for God's creation, and for Psalm 139:13-16
Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day. (MSG)
I cannot truly describe how amazed I am and how amazed I feel. I know I feel honored and privileged that God has given Paul and I this gift. I know of people who long to experience pregnancy and parenthood, but can't, so of course I feel blessed. Before we even began trying to get pregnant I had fears that something would be wrong with me. I've actually had these fears for a long time, but it was more real when we actually wanted to have children. I had this messed up view of God and how He works that didn't account for His grace. I felt that God would punish me for being ashamed and embarrassed of my family by not allowing me to ever have one of my own.
Here is a tiny bit of background of that messed up view and resulting fear:
If there had been reality TV when I was growing up, we would be the Duggars! Granted, they have 10+ more children than my Mom and Dad had, we were/are still weird. Add to that we were home schooled, and that made/makes us freaks. We knew some big families, but for the most part I felt that we were misfits in our extended families and in society as a whole. I often wished that I was not in my family (most of these thoughts occurred during my self-absorbed teenage years). Still, most of my life I've tried not to look like a stereotypical home schooler, and I think for the most part I've has success in looking "normal" (I base this only on the fact that most every time some one is shocked that I was one of nine children and home schooled). I never said that didn't want to have children (though, I did say that I didn't want to marry a minister like my Mom had, but as you probably know I am now married to one).
Considering my fears and their foundation, I feel double blessed (pun intended) that we're pregnant with twins! I wonder what God is trying to show me? To trust Him? That He has a sense of humor? That He is full of Grace? Maybe all of this and more, but I know that my relationship with Him is changing for the better because of what He is doing inside of me (literally and spiritually) and I want to continue to trust in Him, no matter what, because He knows what I need, and I am learning ever so slowly, to wait on Him and the best He has for me.
Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day. (MSG)
I cannot truly describe how amazed I am and how amazed I feel. I know I feel honored and privileged that God has given Paul and I this gift. I know of people who long to experience pregnancy and parenthood, but can't, so of course I feel blessed. Before we even began trying to get pregnant I had fears that something would be wrong with me. I've actually had these fears for a long time, but it was more real when we actually wanted to have children. I had this messed up view of God and how He works that didn't account for His grace. I felt that God would punish me for being ashamed and embarrassed of my family by not allowing me to ever have one of my own.
Here is a tiny bit of background of that messed up view and resulting fear:
If there had been reality TV when I was growing up, we would be the Duggars! Granted, they have 10+ more children than my Mom and Dad had, we were/are still weird. Add to that we were home schooled, and that made/makes us freaks. We knew some big families, but for the most part I felt that we were misfits in our extended families and in society as a whole. I often wished that I was not in my family (most of these thoughts occurred during my self-absorbed teenage years). Still, most of my life I've tried not to look like a stereotypical home schooler, and I think for the most part I've has success in looking "normal" (I base this only on the fact that most every time some one is shocked that I was one of nine children and home schooled). I never said that didn't want to have children (though, I did say that I didn't want to marry a minister like my Mom had, but as you probably know I am now married to one).
Considering my fears and their foundation, I feel double blessed (pun intended) that we're pregnant with twins! I wonder what God is trying to show me? To trust Him? That He has a sense of humor? That He is full of Grace? Maybe all of this and more, but I know that my relationship with Him is changing for the better because of what He is doing inside of me (literally and spiritually) and I want to continue to trust in Him, no matter what, because He knows what I need, and I am learning ever so slowly, to wait on Him and the best He has for me.
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